Here’s the hard truth: Any Western woman that you happen to meet today is going to be infected with at least some feminist philosophy. Some men think that this makes a happy marriage impossible, but it is possible to undo the bad effects of feminism. Here is how to do it.
What is feminism?
Feminism is a philosophy that men and women are equal in all things. Yes, it admits that there are some biological differences in that women are able to bear children, but according to feminism, the differences stop there. In practice, feminism has caused men and women to view each other with suspicion, almost as if we are enemies.
First wave feminism lobbied for women to have the same legal rights as men such as giving women the right to vote. Modern feminism goes much further. In its moderate form, it tells women that they can be self-actualized only by working outside the home. That being a wife and mother is secondary to a woman’s career, even if that career amounts to nothing more than slaving away in a cubicle.
In its more extreme forms, feminism has an undercurrent of hatred for men. It views all male/female relationships in terms of power. It teaches women that if they submit to their husband in even small things, they lose power. Men, by their very existence, are oppressors of women.
Your wife (or your future wife) is already a feminist
Here’s the bad news: All modern women have received feminist indoctrination. The spread of the feminist message is pervasive. It is taught through schools, books, television shows, movies, and magazines. It is even taught in our churches. For example, a Catholic priest tweeted out the following image. You can be sure that he is preaching feminism from the pulpit.
What this means is that all women are feminist to one degree or another. Even devout Christian girls still have traces of it. And while most women have enough common sense to reject the outright hatred of men that characterizes the extreme forms of feminism, it is still something that every woman has programmed into her by the culture.
I’ll give myself as an example. My wife was raised in a fairly traditional family with strong values. She is a lifetime product of Catholic private schools. She even earned her Bachelor’s and Master’s degree at Catholic universities. Even with this upbringing she felt compelled to have a career and her “own life” apart from me. This kind of separateness is the opposite of what it means to become “one flesh” in marriage.
Here are some of the things that I did to change the situation. I believe they will work for you as well. But before that, here are two caveats:
Caveat #1: It won’t be quick
Undoing decades of feminist indoctrination is not going to be easy or fast. This is going to take some hard work and patience on your part. And this is not going to happen overnight. Think in terms of months or, in the worst case, even years.
Caveat #2: This is going to make your wife happier
It is important to say this as it is certain that SJWs will attack me for this article: Removing feminist indoctrination is going to make your wife’s life better and happier. It is not intended to oppress your wife. Rejecting feminism does not mean that the husband becomes some sort of oriental despot. I talk more about healthy masculine/feminine dynamics in my book, Staying Married in a Degenerate Age, but the short story is that the best way to think of this is that the husband is king and his wife is queen.
For my own wife, taking these steps has really unleashed her creative and entrepreneurial energies. But the best part is that it has saved our marriage.
Steps to turn your wife from a feminist into a traditional woman
1. Stop being a feminist yourself
It is not only women who are indoctrinated into feminism. Men are as well. For example, some men want women to ask them out on dates or to initiate sex. Courtship is a complex interplay between a man and a woman, but the initiative always lies with the man. Some modern men like feminism because it takes the initiative away and gives it to the woman.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t keep some bits of feminism and eliminate only the pieces you don’t like. If you want your woman to stop being a feminist, you will have to uproot feminism from your own mind first.
2. Don’t complain—ever
The only woman on earth who felt truly sorry for your woes was your mother. Your wife doesn’t want to feel sorry for you. She wants you to get up and tackle problems. If you are suffering, don’t complain. Instead, do what you can to fix it. If you can’t fix it, keep your suffering to yourself. See yourself as a general who is leading an army. You are always responsible for keeping up the morale of your troops.
3. Take the lead
Feminists teach that there must be perfect equality in a marriage. Men and women are supposed to come to an agreement on everything. If they can’t agree, they are to just go about their lives separately. I found in my own marriage that women hate to have an equal say on everything. They want their man to be decisive. That doesn’t mean you don’t take your wife’s input, it is just that you make the final decision.
There is no such thing as an absentee leader. To be a leader you must engage. You can delegate certain decisions but, as the king of your realm, you are still responsible for everything. If your wife asks for your thoughts on decorating the house or how to educate your children, don’t abdicate. Engage, understand the issue, and make a decision!
4. Bear the burden
Part of the feminist narrative is that women have the worse end of the stick. Men supposedly have it easy. If you want to reverse this dynamic, you are going to have to lead by example. Outwork your wife and, where possible, make her burden lighter.
5. Give your wife children
A man’s natural role is to be a husband and father. A woman’s natural role is to be a wife and mother. Bringing a child into this world radically re-orients our lives in a more traditional direction. By itself, it does not eliminate feminist indoctrination but any woman who is a mother knows that there are things that are more important than becoming the next Facebook executive.
Having children is not possible for everyone, but if you and your wife are able, I recommend it.
6. Let your wife be a stay at home mom
It is the man’s job to provide. It is the woman’s job to nurture her family. Of course, this is possible with a woman working 40 hours per week, it makes it more difficult. The woman’s loyalties are divided. She must please her boss in addition to being a wife to her husband and mother to her children.
Deciding to have my wife stay home to raise our children was key to creating a clean break with feminist ideology. It helped to make us more of a team as we are radically reliant upon each other. We are not two ships making a journey, we are both aboard the same ship.
Again, this is not easy and not everyone is going to be able to achieve this financially, but it is good to set it as a goal.
Conclusion
Notice that at no point did I recommend that you ask your wife to read anything or that you try to convince her that feminism is bad. That’s because I don’t think it is possible to undo the programming through rational argument. Instead, the way to develop wholesome relationships is to re-impose the natural order. When a man assumes his natural role as leader, the wife will naturally follow. Indoctrination cannot trump nature forever. Take the lead. Nature will take its course.
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Read More: How to Become an Alpha Male
What about the woman at work and the husband at home? We could be in the same ship like this?
Thank you
Marie
I would say the dynamics are different simply because men and women are different. A woman being provider and protector while the man is a stay-at-home dad simply forces each sex into situations they are not naturally suited for. The family life is a domestic life for both men and women and for men working outside the home to provide for the home is both natural and a means to an end, the end being the well-being of the family he founded.
This is a misnomer. Women at heart need security. Since money buys physical security we confound that need with financial provision.
But women have demonstrated repeatedly that they can be attracted to and marry dirt poor men.
This idea that the woman should stay home and the man work a job is a relic of industrial society with no basis in biology. The normative state of man is to live AND work in a family grouping. Man and wife and kids and even extended family all working together. Not only is this historically normative, it is better than the modern ideal of man getting a job because outside work alienates him from the child raising; of which he plays a major role once children become able to walk, talk and work (in the 4-6 age range).
While it is better than women be home when the children are infants, this matters less later. The key difficulties are with feminism and her feeling independent. But you can still maintain a strong stable marriage if you are firmly in control of both the marriage and finances and she knows that she is working for you at your direction and the money is yours, not hers.
Its still not as ideal as both at home. But done right it will be a better situation than the average male provider marriage done poorly.
How can men handle the situation when she is with her friends, who turn out to be skanks and feminists?
Just out of curiosity, what do you think about women who work from home? Are they still considered career women?
I just got divorced. Wife is a feminist . I am very red pilled. All of this article is true. Biggest issue was money. I didn’t make enough. We have kids. She isn’t a stay at home mom and I can see that this was the one thing that she always wanted but couldn’t have.
cool stuff, men and women are both severely affected thus resulting in such unhappiness in everyone… well, most people.
“That’s because I don’t think it is possible to undo the programming through rational argument. Instead, the way to develop wholesome relationships is to re-impose the natural order.”
Ironic considering the “natural order” itself was programming. Regardless, men and women today are more than capable of deciding for themselves the parameters of their own relationship, whether it be “traditional” or “modern”. They need not be virtue signaled.
“It teaches women that if they submit to their husband in even small things, they lose power. Men, by their very existence, are oppressors of women.”
If you have to submit in all things, including small things, then it is a loss of power! How exactly can you have any power if you always have to submit to the will of another? If you aren’t allowed to say no, and aren’t allowed to make your own choices, then you have no power.
I came from an evangelical background where women were reduced to domestic slaves in their marriages. Not being able to make choices for yourself or hold any voting power and authority in your marriage is toxic and abusive. There are teachings out there now coming from the “John Piper” group that tell men to even pick what the family eats every day and the socks that the wife wears for that day! The wife is not even allowed to choose the order in which she does her housework! It is pure tyranny masquerading as biblical “headship”. True leadership does not stunt the growth and individuality of another person. There is nothing cute about being bossed around by your husband.
Ephesians 5 marriage advice is a bottomless pit for a woman. Every human should have a standard of boundaries and personal sovereignty, but headship teaching does not ascribe individual value to women, it keeps them at the mercy of their husband’s will no matter how unjust or unreasonable that will is. If your husband tells you to lick the floor, then according to Ephesians 5 22-33, you have to do it, since it says submit in everything. So you see, it really is not about leadership and caring for a woman, it’s about a man getting everything he wants. The wife is just a piece of property, the slave class of society.
After investigating the horrors and abuses done to women in the name of the Bible for the past 2,000 years, I no longer hold to the inerrancy of scripture. Some of the forgeries ascribed to Paul in the Bible are at complete odds with the message of Christ and Pauls authentic writings. Thank God for feminism, it’s done more for the safety of women and girls around the world than anything Christianity has ever done. A religion whose book says in one breath to love your neighbor as you love yourself and then turns around and tells slaves to obey their Christian masters in everything! Talk about double standards, favoritism, and reverse psychology. What were Christians doing owning other people like cattle and exploiting them for personal financial gain? Yet, it was not the Christian extortionists who were chastened, rather the salve. The slave being told that now that he is a Christian he has to sever his Christian master even more than before, that even longing to be free was a sin. The same goes for women in those days, they were already subservient chattel, and the Bible came along to oppress them even more.
You should study the early Church Fathers and see the effects the submission passages had on the world up till the last century. All the early Church Fathers hated women, they were all misogynists and spoke condescendingly of women and in turn, it affected the whole of society as the Church merged with the State. It finally cumulated with one million women mutilated and burnt alive during the witch hunts all done by the church, and those passages were used as justification. Ideas have consequences. When you have four or five passages in the Bible that make men superior and women inferior, horrible atrocities are sure to follow. It’s really no different than racism. Differences between men and women don’t fit in a black and white binary where one always leads and the other always follows, or where one always gets their way and the other always submits to the will of the other.
BTW, Why is it that if you and your wife don’t agree on something, you believe you are entitled to always break the tie in your favor? In the real world that is called selfishness. Grown mature adults submit to each other. They each invest in the personal growth and empowerment of the other, and they each split up tasks according to gifting. Do yourself a favor and submit yourself to your wife when the occasion allows, she is just as wise as you are.
“If your wife asks for your thoughts on decorating the house or how to educate your children, don’t abdicate.”
We all know that when women ask questions to a man they don’t really want an honest answer, much less a decision; they just want to hear themselves and then decide as they wanted in the first place.
What should men do in such situations?
I’d like to do as you say, but working outside in the field is so much fun for me! I really love my job, and I’m basically the bread earner in my relationship. We have adopted two kids, but my husband has more flexible hours and takes care of them instead of me. I’d like to be more traditional, but it seems that our life would take a turn for worse if we did that. Please help us out!