In Part II you learned what qualities to look for in a potential marriage candidate. In this post, I’ll discuss where to find these rare creatures.
There are high quality women out there. Unfortunately, they don’t carry signs on them that say, “marriage material,” and they don’t congregate in one location. But there are places and situations that are better than others. If you focus your efforts on these places and situations, you’ll increase your chances of finding the “right one.”
College. If you are enrolled in an undergraduate program, congratulations! You will never have better odds of finding a marriageable girl than when you are in college. And thanks to our culture’s war on men, you are even luckier because now men are a minority on most college campuses.
While you are in college, it should be your goal to get to know as many women as possible. Go out on as many dates as possible. And, if you should leave college without having found your future wife, keep in touch with the women that you meet—you may want to date one of them down the road.
There are a few things to keep in mind:
- Don’t bother dating sluts or girls you clearly would not consider marriage material. It is a waste of time and money. But more importantly, if you date someone, you run the risk of getting trapped in a bad situation. Steer clear!
- Make a quick determination whether you want to continue to date a girl. Within one or two dates. Don’t get bogged down in a long-term relationship with someone who is not really a potential candidate.
- If you are dating and you meet a wonderful girl. Stop dating and hold on to her! The goal is to find a wife, not rack up a giant score sheet.
- There is no rush. You don’t have to find a girl while you are in college. Instead, relax and have fun. You should not have any anxiety.
- Don’t lose sleep over any girl that rejects you or dumps you. Give yourself two minutes and move on. There are many fish in the sea.
A word to introverted guys. If you are naturally gregarious, you have no problem going to all the college parties, but introverts struggle. I speak from experience because I am naturally an introvert. I much prefer a one-on-one conversation to small talk with lots of strangers at a party. But it would be a mistake to miss the opportunity that college presents to you. If you don’t like parties, try to find some other social activities that are more your style.
Another way of looking at this is that college presents you with the best opportunity you will ever have of learning “game.” Why not learn it while you are getting started in life?
Meeting women through friends. I highly recommend that you meet women through your friends and relatives. This is how I met my wife—she was a friend of my brother’s girlfriend.
This is one of the reasons that men should cultivate close relationships with other men—those men have girlfriends who have single friends.
You can meet friends of women who are your friends as well, but be careful here. Some women that you are “friends” with might secretly want to date you. They will do everything in their power to keep you from dating one of their friends.
A situation that is related to meeting women through friends is the set up or blind date. If these situations come around, take advantage of them. At worst case, you will have an uncomfortable conversation over a cup of coffee. On the other hand, it might be a way to meet someone that your friends think would be a good match for you.
Church. If you are reading this blog, you probably have traditional values so you will want a wife who shares your values. In modern society, the only places where traditional values are still held are within churches and synagogues.
Many Protestant churches have some sort of outreach to singles such as a singles bible study. One of the advantages of a mega church is that their groups are well organized and their pool of people will be larger as well.
Catholic churches do a pretty shoddy job of pairing up single Catholics. I’d recommend going to parishes that offer the traditional Latin Mass. The women that you will meet there are more likely to be serious in their beliefs. Also, if you happen to live near a large city, you might also want to check out the daily noontime Masses. That is where you will get the crowd of single young Catholic people who are serious about their faith.
By the way, if you are a single Catholic, and there is no Catholic group near you, consider starting one yourself. It would be a great way of exercising your leadership skills.
Of course, only use this option if you actually believe what your particular church teaches.
Work. If you are out of school, your place of work may be your best place to meet women. But you need to be very selective about dating in this environment.
Don’t date every single woman at work. You will develop a bad reputation. Also, use the utmost discretion with any work colleague that you date. You don’t want your personal life to be grist for the gossip mill.
Graduate courses. A full time graduate program provides opportunities that are very similar to going to a full time undergraduate program plus you have the added benefit of potentially meeting undergraduate girls that happen to be on campus. Graduate students are more likely to be married though, so the selection of women in your class is likely to be smaller than it was in college.
Part-time graduate programs are less attractive. The attendees are likely to be much older. I wouldn’t recommend going to grad school solely to find a wife, but if you plan to go anyway, it carries the benefit of increasing your dating pool.
Affinity groups. The nice thing about affinity groups is that you already have one thing in common with any women who are participating in the same group. Here are some ideas for potential affinity groups/activities:
- Join a local cycling or running club.
- Workout at a gym.
- Take hot yoga classes or Krav Maga classes.
Your location plays a big factor in how many single women will be part of your affinity group. A hot yoga class in a suburb might be mostly married women, but the same class in the city might be filled with young, unmarried women. Consider driving a little farther to put yourself in the right group.
Tinder. I met my wife before the Tinder era, but I like the concept of Tinder. It relies on the user to make a snap judgment based on looks. In other words, it is closer to face-to-face interactions than online dating.
One on one meetings are better than Tinder because there is only so much information that a picture can communicate. A girl who looks great in a picture might be less attractive in person. Plus, there is so much other information that is conveyed by presence.
If you do choose to use Tinder, don’t spend interminable amounts of time texting the girl. Instead, try to meet her as quickly as possible. A face-to-face meeting will quickly tell you whether you should move forward or not.
Online Dating. Computer dating can be a great boon if you are a shy sort of person. In spite of this, I recommend that you only use online dating as an adjunct to your in-person “hunting.” If you can get by without it, it is better to use the face-to-face method. Here’s why:
- A man should be out in the world mixing with others. There is something unhealthy about spending inordinate amounts of time trying to find a woman over a computer.
- Online dating is artificial. One creates a profile and then tries to match based on the profile. But just because you are interested in Doctor Who doesn’t mean it is helpful for your wife to be interested in it as well. Think of it this way: You are a man. If a woman has a lot of the same interests that you do, she might have a masculine mind just like you. You are looking for a wife, not a dude to be friends with.
- It is a different skill set than what is required when talking to women face-to-face. In order to have a successful profile, you have to take some excellent pictures, and you will have to be able to write some good advertising copy. Face-to-face game requires confidence, quickness on your feet, good conversation skills, and presence. You’d be much better off developing those skills than spending time putting together the perfect profile.
Foreign women. Lots of blogs in the manosphere are really against Western women. They say they are too tainted by feminism. They are too slutty. They are too materialistic. They get divorced at the drop of a hat. They drink too much. They are fat. They have disfigured themselves with ugly tattoos. They are infected with progressive philosophy.
These bloggers think that the female situation is so terrible that the best course for a man is to be a pick up artist (PUA). That is, men should spend their lives picking up attractive women, having sex with them, and dumping them.
For those men who still feel the need to get married, these bloggers write that Western women should not be considered. Rather, they advise that men seek wives in foreign countries—usually some Asian or Eastern European nation.
There is something to this advice. Girls from Asia and Eastern Europe usually grow up poorer than girls in the West. When your family is struggling to make ends meet, you don’t have the luxury of getting tattoos, buying $3000 purses, or getting a degree in gender studies. Your entire life is spent trying to better yourself and your family. Other cultures have also preserved more traditional values than what has survived in the West.
But there are some downsides to going foreign as well:
- There might be religious and language differences. If you are a Christian, how well will you get on with a Buddhist or an atheist?
- There definitely will be cultural differences. These are not insurmountable, but they are things to be aware of.
- While foreign girls might not be as progressive as Western girls, they might be just as materialistic or even more so.
- There is no way to tell what the girl’s past is like. Was she a prostitute in her homeland before she met you? Is she running away from something?
- Is the girl just looking for a green card?
- Is she looking for someone to support her giant foreign family?
- And remember that Western progressivism is spreading in all countries. There is no nation on earth that is immune at this point.
More could be said here, but going foreign should the nuclear option—one that you consider only if you have exhausted all other possibilities.
Read How to Find a Wife Part I
Read How to Find a Wife Part II
Will you make a part IV? I loved the series of posts, very informative.
Michael Sebastian says
I do have some ideas for a part IV. In particular, the attitude that the man has to have while in pursuit.
Are there any other topics that you would like to see addressed?
Michael, maybe you could give us a few tips on how to cope with rejection. I know all the theory, the stuff about the right mindset and everything else, but doing certainly is the hard part.
Good post series.
I respectfully disagree with the suggestion for men to look for dates and potential wives at work or at church. The workplace is fraught with danger for men seeking women. All it takes is one complaint of sexual harassment to ruin a career. As we all know, “workplace sexual harassment” is essentially “an unattractive man said or did something that a woman didn’t like.” Most men aren’t attractive enough to pull off workplace dating.
As for church, most women — and most churches — are openly hostile to the men in their midst. There have been reports of women reporting hapless men in their congregations to their pastors for the “crime” of asking some woman out for a date. There have also been reports of nuclear rejections from church women, blowing men out of the water with very public, humiliating, and intentionally hurtful rejections.
I can’t recommend that men try to date at work or church.